he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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