you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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