508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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