So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
