i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
