wakey wakey hands off snakey
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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