We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
