I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
