there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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