I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
