Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
