Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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