What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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