I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
