Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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