ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
