why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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