We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
