just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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