i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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