My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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