yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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