Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
