so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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