I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
