I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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