Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
