this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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