O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
