I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
