therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
