Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize