Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize