Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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