White coat. Heels.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
