Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
