I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I had to cum in my sink.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
