Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
