Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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