I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i now understand why vodka
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
