I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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