the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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