Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
