Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
