$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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