Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
