Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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