Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
