I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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