bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
