I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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