so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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