If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
