my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
