Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
