I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize