Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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