and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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