i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
