I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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