there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
