So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
