Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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