dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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