I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
