i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
