i just had sex bonerless
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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