I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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