whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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