you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
