My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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