yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
