after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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