Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
