He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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