Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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