All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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