i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
