i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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