It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
