you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize