My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
3 2 1 whiskey
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
