Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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