At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
