'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
