My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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