I puked a lego.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize