I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
