i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
