When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
