Your tits are I can't wait for
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
