I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
