Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
