I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
