i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
