xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
