On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize