He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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