Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
