did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
